Uh, so I have a sort of embarassing habit.

 I love Avon stuff. I know, I know.

 Give me all the crap you want, but it’s inexpensive and the 50% of their products that don’t smell like old ladies are awesome.

Anyway, the point of this admission is that recently I ordered some stuff from them. UPS fucked up and didn’t send me anything, so I contacted customer service at Avon. They were super nice and (since I’ve been having oodles of “issues” with their shipping recently) they reshipped it to me with grave apologies right away.

So normally they ship UPS ground but this time, to prove that they’re awesome, they shipped it via UPS Air, which I was delighted by. Anyway, when I got the box- I discovered that apparently, Avon is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. Or, uh, UPS Air seems to think it is, anyway.

the FOUR seperate documents they sent along with my stuff. There were MULTIPLE COPIES of many of these, including FOUR of the little mostly blank ones, and two each of the big ones. Srsrly.

So what did I get that was so dangerous? Well, there was some peach antibacterial hand soap, peach body spray, peach body scrub, berry cranberry shower gel, palm desert rose body scrub, and palm desert rose hair oil, some oil absorbing sheets, and a complimentary thingy or foundation that’s about 12 shades too dark for me. Nice thought though. Oh, they also sent me a free sample of their lotus shield anti-frizz hair goo. aaaaaaannnnndddd…… nope, there does not appear to be any nitro glycerine, gunpowder, or even a tiny bit of high explosive, but I guess antibacterial soap is OMGZ DANGEROUS.


FEAR EVERYTHING LIQUID Americans! Avon is a terrorist threat!!!!!

Like, danger and stuff y'all!